Many well meaning parents have a tendency to idealize what homeschooling actually is. The daydream can go something like this: days are spent languishing in rich literature, afternoons are spent learning thrilling hands-on science experiments, and weekends are spent going on exceptionally educational and exciting field trips that the whole family can enjoy. All of this and in the end these parents will turn out a child thankful for the amazing experiences afforded to them by their loving and doting parents who have sacrificed to provide the best education available to them, all so they could enter the college of their choice with an amazing transcript in tow. If this is the ideal, what happens between the ideal and reality that causes so many homeschool parents to quit the journey, chalk it up as a good try, and return their children to the mass education system?
1. Some well meaning parents “ idealize the process”
The problem with this is that they then cannot live up to the ideal nirvana that they have created in their minds. Homeschooling is messy friends; it is not always going to go well. There will be days that you do not accomplish nearly what you had hoped, and others where you are left in awe of what you are able to teach in a very short time. There will be moments you want to quit, moments you feel like a failure, and moments when you realize that the curriculum you chose is NOT a good fit. It is all part of the beautiful, messy process. It is not an ideal that you are living up to, there is no perfect homeschool, the sooner that one can realize that the sooner one is able to let go of the idea and recognize that it is the reality of homeschooling that will take you to the end, good, bad and beautifully messy.
2. They have an inability to accept delayed gratification.
Our society is terrible at this; we cannot accept that gratification is not instantaneous. We purchase things we cannot afford, we are impulsive, and we have a difficult time waiting and being patient. Homeschooling your children is no different. Many homeschooling parents fail because they expect to see results YESTERDAY, and they aren't prepared for delaying the gratification of seeing results. Sometimes it will be weeks, months or even years before you start to reap the fruits of your labor. The hours spent with the struggling reader may not yield immediate results, but if you wait, if you are patient, the fruit will yield, and when it does, it is so worth every moment of the wait.
3. They have a need to be praised and feel thanked
This is another no-no. If you are expecting to be praised for your efforts either by your non-teaching spouse, your children, or other friends and family, you will likely be disappointed. Your children may not fully realize what you have done for them until they are grown and many years have passed (back to that delayed gratification section). Your spouse, unless they step into your shoes for a week, will have no idea just how difficult it can be. Your friends and family, though they may offer the occasional "you are amazing, I could never do that," comments, they too will not understand. Your motivation will need to come internally, or from an external calling, but if you are expecting this to be a thankful job, you will likely be disappointed.
4. They compare themselves to others
This cardinal rule, if broken, will lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and feelings of inadequacy. There is always going to be someone who looks like they are doing a better job than you are. Just know that some people are better at hiding their inadequacies than others. Some other parent may seem more organized, more spiritual, more educated, more, more, more than you… Don't look there. Don't compare yourself to other homeschooling parents. Once each of us is able to realize that our children are gifts and they were each given to the family they ended up in for a very unique and special reason, it is easier to understand that the best teacher they can have is their own unique parent.
Now that you are aware of the traps that lead to the failure of the homeschooling parent, you are better equipped to not only avoid these traps but realize where you may be inclined to stumble. You are doing a great and amazing thing on this journey, keep up the daily work and you will see results, just maybe not this week.
1. Some well meaning parents “ idealize the process”
The problem with this is that they then cannot live up to the ideal nirvana that they have created in their minds. Homeschooling is messy friends; it is not always going to go well. There will be days that you do not accomplish nearly what you had hoped, and others where you are left in awe of what you are able to teach in a very short time. There will be moments you want to quit, moments you feel like a failure, and moments when you realize that the curriculum you chose is NOT a good fit. It is all part of the beautiful, messy process. It is not an ideal that you are living up to, there is no perfect homeschool, the sooner that one can realize that the sooner one is able to let go of the idea and recognize that it is the reality of homeschooling that will take you to the end, good, bad and beautifully messy.
2. They have an inability to accept delayed gratification.
Our society is terrible at this; we cannot accept that gratification is not instantaneous. We purchase things we cannot afford, we are impulsive, and we have a difficult time waiting and being patient. Homeschooling your children is no different. Many homeschooling parents fail because they expect to see results YESTERDAY, and they aren't prepared for delaying the gratification of seeing results. Sometimes it will be weeks, months or even years before you start to reap the fruits of your labor. The hours spent with the struggling reader may not yield immediate results, but if you wait, if you are patient, the fruit will yield, and when it does, it is so worth every moment of the wait.
3. They have a need to be praised and feel thanked
This is another no-no. If you are expecting to be praised for your efforts either by your non-teaching spouse, your children, or other friends and family, you will likely be disappointed. Your children may not fully realize what you have done for them until they are grown and many years have passed (back to that delayed gratification section). Your spouse, unless they step into your shoes for a week, will have no idea just how difficult it can be. Your friends and family, though they may offer the occasional "you are amazing, I could never do that," comments, they too will not understand. Your motivation will need to come internally, or from an external calling, but if you are expecting this to be a thankful job, you will likely be disappointed.
4. They compare themselves to others
This cardinal rule, if broken, will lead to dissatisfaction, frustration, and feelings of inadequacy. There is always going to be someone who looks like they are doing a better job than you are. Just know that some people are better at hiding their inadequacies than others. Some other parent may seem more organized, more spiritual, more educated, more, more, more than you… Don't look there. Don't compare yourself to other homeschooling parents. Once each of us is able to realize that our children are gifts and they were each given to the family they ended up in for a very unique and special reason, it is easier to understand that the best teacher they can have is their own unique parent.
Now that you are aware of the traps that lead to the failure of the homeschooling parent, you are better equipped to not only avoid these traps but realize where you may be inclined to stumble. You are doing a great and amazing thing on this journey, keep up the daily work and you will see results, just maybe not this week.
