I am a master of telling my husband it is his fault. I guess I should have been an attorney.
Just the other day we were joking around and I told him that the girl's bathroom sink was clogged up. I was unable to loosen the drain so I asked him to help. When he discovered that the culprit was a wad of hair, and he showed me, I told him that it was because he liked us all to have long hair that caused that. (smile) When he said, how is this my fault? I answered with, well technically the male chromosome determines the sex of the children born to a union...so, since you blessed me with girls, you have gunky drains (told you I was good!)
I put this little exchange up as kind of a joke, but, it is all too easy for us to respond to one and other in a negative fashion rather than a positive one. A few years ago I was reading through the book "Love Dare" after watching the movie "Fireproof" and I was admonished completely by just how often, if we truly are honest with ourselves, we are negative towards our spouses. I don't mean outrightly mean per se, but just negative. There is a part in the book the Love Dare that suggests going an entire day without saying one negative or complaining thing to your spouse...sounds easy enough right? Ummmm....maybe its just me but that would include simple things like "you don't ever leave me enough coffee"...(negative-complaint). "Why can't you just put the toilet seat down?" again...complaint. I mean to tell you that it is not an easy endeavor to go a whole day that way...I found that I wound up being a bit more quiet that day...hmmm....Never realized before that I could be so negative or complaining.
The world we live in will chew you up and spit you out as well as point out all of your shortcomings and flaws along the way. Our home is supposed to be our refuge and I for one want my hubby to want to come home to his refuge. I am speaking to myself here as well because it is very easy to be negative and much more difficult to be positive in all things, especially if you have been kept up all night by a fussy baby, you aren't feeling your best, or things just are not going well. It actually takes a concentrated effort. The amazing thing though is that during that day, the one where I was kinda quiet (lol) except for the positive things I had to say, hubby noticed. I did not tell him that I had read that in a book or even what I was trying out, but he noticed. That says to me that I need to be diligent in this area and when I feel the need to say something negative I either need to wrap it in love, or not say it.
We ladies all know we are good at arguing...some of us more than others. But, how much further do we get when we speak in love rather than in hasty anger? It is hard to not snap back at a hurtful comment made by our spouse but we also can oftentimes control a fight that is brewing. I can respond sharply to something that is said to me, I can begin to push buttons and start an argument that can quickly become a battle of the wills...or...I can speak in love, or not at all. No, I do not mean the silent treatment...that doesn't help either. But, I have the power to decide if I want to argue or not. It is very difficult to argue with someone who does not go tit-for-tat back and forth with you. Or, when hubby says something that irritates me, I can apologize for whatever it is rather than shoot back with a smart comment. My choice. Amazing the power we sometimes do not realize that we hold.
So, I dare you today...try it out...See if you can go the rest of the day without one negative or complaining thing. Speak in love, be the home refuge your spouse wants to come home to. You might just be surprised at the response you get...especially if you are usually the one to be the short fuse that instigates an argument.
Just the other day we were joking around and I told him that the girl's bathroom sink was clogged up. I was unable to loosen the drain so I asked him to help. When he discovered that the culprit was a wad of hair, and he showed me, I told him that it was because he liked us all to have long hair that caused that. (smile) When he said, how is this my fault? I answered with, well technically the male chromosome determines the sex of the children born to a union...so, since you blessed me with girls, you have gunky drains (told you I was good!)
I put this little exchange up as kind of a joke, but, it is all too easy for us to respond to one and other in a negative fashion rather than a positive one. A few years ago I was reading through the book "Love Dare" after watching the movie "Fireproof" and I was admonished completely by just how often, if we truly are honest with ourselves, we are negative towards our spouses. I don't mean outrightly mean per se, but just negative. There is a part in the book the Love Dare that suggests going an entire day without saying one negative or complaining thing to your spouse...sounds easy enough right? Ummmm....maybe its just me but that would include simple things like "you don't ever leave me enough coffee"...(negative-complaint). "Why can't you just put the toilet seat down?" again...complaint. I mean to tell you that it is not an easy endeavor to go a whole day that way...I found that I wound up being a bit more quiet that day...hmmm....Never realized before that I could be so negative or complaining.
The world we live in will chew you up and spit you out as well as point out all of your shortcomings and flaws along the way. Our home is supposed to be our refuge and I for one want my hubby to want to come home to his refuge. I am speaking to myself here as well because it is very easy to be negative and much more difficult to be positive in all things, especially if you have been kept up all night by a fussy baby, you aren't feeling your best, or things just are not going well. It actually takes a concentrated effort. The amazing thing though is that during that day, the one where I was kinda quiet (lol) except for the positive things I had to say, hubby noticed. I did not tell him that I had read that in a book or even what I was trying out, but he noticed. That says to me that I need to be diligent in this area and when I feel the need to say something negative I either need to wrap it in love, or not say it.
We ladies all know we are good at arguing...some of us more than others. But, how much further do we get when we speak in love rather than in hasty anger? It is hard to not snap back at a hurtful comment made by our spouse but we also can oftentimes control a fight that is brewing. I can respond sharply to something that is said to me, I can begin to push buttons and start an argument that can quickly become a battle of the wills...or...I can speak in love, or not at all. No, I do not mean the silent treatment...that doesn't help either. But, I have the power to decide if I want to argue or not. It is very difficult to argue with someone who does not go tit-for-tat back and forth with you. Or, when hubby says something that irritates me, I can apologize for whatever it is rather than shoot back with a smart comment. My choice. Amazing the power we sometimes do not realize that we hold.
So, I dare you today...try it out...See if you can go the rest of the day without one negative or complaining thing. Speak in love, be the home refuge your spouse wants to come home to. You might just be surprised at the response you get...especially if you are usually the one to be the short fuse that instigates an argument.
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