I got married knowing it all, but I am here to say that after 15 years of marriage, I am now learning daily. Hubby and I laugh and tell people that what you get when an only child marries an oldest child is a lot of head butting. That is true; the first year of marriage was challenging to say the least. I was raised to be an independent, strong willed young lady, and hubby has always been a take charge kind of leader…do you see where this could be a bit of a disaster? I was a bit selfish, and kind of a know-it-all back then and I did not follow his lead. I am here to say that even a die hard, strong willed, independent young lady can change into a much wiser wife and mother. I did. I am.
I learned in those early years that if I had to be right all the time, it was very easy to argue. I learned that I knew which buttons to push to produce a heated argument (don’t we all?) I learned that if I wanted my way all the time I could definitely trample on my husband’s leadership, but, the outcomes were not productive. I don’t always agree with my husband (I mean I am not totally devoid of ideas and thoughts of my own) but I am learning to let him lead, and I will follow. I am also learning that when he makes a mistake, it is not my job to say the dreaded….”I told you so.”
I am also learning to be his biggest cheerleader. I cannot stand to listen to wives talk poorly of their husbands, this happens so frequently that even on television a person is hard pressed to find a sitcom where the husband is not usually the butt of the jokes and is seen as the one who needs to be told what to do. Guess what? I learned a very valuable little gem from my husband. That’s right, he taught me this... He has, ever since the beginning refused to talk badly about me. I would deserve it sometimes if he did, but you will not find him badmouthing me to his co-workers, friends, or family. He has them all snowed into thinking I am perfect (I assure you, I am not). So, how does this make me feel? Wonderful. I should do the same for him don’t you think? I am following his lead.
I have learned that when a husband leads with a submissive (yes I said it), submissive wife. He is able to be who God created him to be. When a husband has a cantankerous wife, one who always argues with him, one who bad mouths him, one who always talks down to him, he cannot be a success. I believe that it actually takes a very strong woman to submit to her husband. Not the weak, feeble, wet noodle of a personality that you may think. Just think how hard I have to bite my tongue sometimes! The misconception of so many women, and wives is that if you submit to your husband, you are somehow weak and are giving up your rights as a woman. I believe the contrary. Any man worth his salt would have to admit that behind every strong man, there is an equally strong woman. When I follow his lead I do not have to be the center of attention, I do not have to be the one who tells him what to do. I have to allow for his leadership in our home and in turn he looks to me for my skills and I do have influence in the majority of decisions that are made.
I follow his lead because it makes him infinitely more confident. A confident husband is not apt to feel the need to dictate orders, he is apt to seek counsel and make informed decisions. I follow his lead because it makes him more caring and kind. He doesn’t feel the need to be overly assertive and argumentative. I follow his lead because our home runs so much more smoothly when there are not two people constantly having a power struggle. Just imagine on a sports team if everyone had to be in charge and be right. On a team you have many strengths, but just one captain or leader. I find that works best in my marriage and home as well.
So, I follow his lead... because it works.
I learned in those early years that if I had to be right all the time, it was very easy to argue. I learned that I knew which buttons to push to produce a heated argument (don’t we all?) I learned that if I wanted my way all the time I could definitely trample on my husband’s leadership, but, the outcomes were not productive. I don’t always agree with my husband (I mean I am not totally devoid of ideas and thoughts of my own) but I am learning to let him lead, and I will follow. I am also learning that when he makes a mistake, it is not my job to say the dreaded….”I told you so.”
I am also learning to be his biggest cheerleader. I cannot stand to listen to wives talk poorly of their husbands, this happens so frequently that even on television a person is hard pressed to find a sitcom where the husband is not usually the butt of the jokes and is seen as the one who needs to be told what to do. Guess what? I learned a very valuable little gem from my husband. That’s right, he taught me this... He has, ever since the beginning refused to talk badly about me. I would deserve it sometimes if he did, but you will not find him badmouthing me to his co-workers, friends, or family. He has them all snowed into thinking I am perfect (I assure you, I am not). So, how does this make me feel? Wonderful. I should do the same for him don’t you think? I am following his lead.
I have learned that when a husband leads with a submissive (yes I said it), submissive wife. He is able to be who God created him to be. When a husband has a cantankerous wife, one who always argues with him, one who bad mouths him, one who always talks down to him, he cannot be a success. I believe that it actually takes a very strong woman to submit to her husband. Not the weak, feeble, wet noodle of a personality that you may think. Just think how hard I have to bite my tongue sometimes! The misconception of so many women, and wives is that if you submit to your husband, you are somehow weak and are giving up your rights as a woman. I believe the contrary. Any man worth his salt would have to admit that behind every strong man, there is an equally strong woman. When I follow his lead I do not have to be the center of attention, I do not have to be the one who tells him what to do. I have to allow for his leadership in our home and in turn he looks to me for my skills and I do have influence in the majority of decisions that are made.
I follow his lead because it makes him infinitely more confident. A confident husband is not apt to feel the need to dictate orders, he is apt to seek counsel and make informed decisions. I follow his lead because it makes him more caring and kind. He doesn’t feel the need to be overly assertive and argumentative. I follow his lead because our home runs so much more smoothly when there are not two people constantly having a power struggle. Just imagine on a sports team if everyone had to be in charge and be right. On a team you have many strengths, but just one captain or leader. I find that works best in my marriage and home as well.
So, I follow his lead... because it works.
